Let’s have a real honest chat. January was a terrible mental health month for me. I took some time away from writing due to it, and I had many melt downs because of it. Now it is mid February and I am ready to talk about the areas in which I fell short during January.
Area number 1: being kind to myself
I was the worst in regards to my self-talk. There was absolutely no grace when it came to my perspective of myself. I was lazy because I would mess up my work, writing, and exercise schedule. I was fat because I have a little more love fat from celebrating with food a little too much. I was stupid for having big dreams and putting myself out there. I was annoying because I had too many needs and cried too much. I was too much all of the time. I called myself every name under the sun internally and externally. At one point it got so bad, and I was so abusive with my words, I started cancelling plans because I couldn’t do anything, but cry and stay at home.
Area number 2: being proud of myself
I started two new jobs in January, and I have done a lot to learn the brand new roles in which I would be entering. I pushed and pushed myself without any celebration of the monumental feet I was actually overcoming. I started my job in retail banking with no banking experience, and I will be able to work with customers on my own in only a month and a half-time span. While working at the bank, I am also helping manage a Facebook and Website for a company very close to my heart. I have had so much creativity and drive to learn how to promote this company, and have given it lots of hours of work. Not to mention during all of this transition, I put out my first devotional pdf online for the world to see. I had A LOT going on. I had a lot to be thankful for. I had a lot to be proud of. Yet, I was never satisfied with the work I put in.
Area number 3: receiving love and kindness from others
The final area I fell short in was receiving love from others. My sweet husband Joel tried so hard to wipe my tears, and comfort me. He is my number one fan and would do anything for me. Unfortunately, there were times I was past the point of consoling and I let that hurt and bitterness I created hurt my favorite person. I wouldn’t let the encouraging words from my friends, family, coworkers, husband, or even God into my heart to bring that warmth that I needed.
Honestly, January was cold and lonely, because I let it be that way.
Now we are here in February, half- way through this crazy month and I have some good news to tell you. The Lord can change bitterness into perseverance. He can change the rhythm in which we speak to ourselves. He can cut in and devour any negative self-talk, and self-perception if we let him in.
I know I am not fat, or lazy. I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY MADE.
I am not a waste of space, because I was ordained by the Lord to be alive, here and now.
I can be proud of the improvements I have made in my new season, because the Lord has been at my side giving me the strength, the head-space, and the intelligence to tackle this new job, year, and life!
I am allowed to receive help! It is NOT WEAK to let others love me, and let them in when I need help seeing TRUTH.
I am MORE THAN A CONQUEROR through Jesus Christ. It is natural for me to get low, but my strong God is always there bring me back up.
To all of your reading this today:
YOU ARE NOT YOUR SAD THOUGHTS. YOU ARE NOT YOUR ANXIETY. YOU ARE NOT YOUR FEAR. YOU ARE NOT WHAT THIS SEASON MAY BE TRYING TO TELL YOU.
You are a *insert your name here*, child of God. You are WHOLE in Christ. You can take all of those unachievable standards and throw them out the window. He is PROUD OF YOU TODAY.
February Kendall, really wants you to know that if you are experiencing the cold and dark January feelings right now, you can get through it.
Let others in. Challenge your mean thoughts. Hit your knees and pray, or just be silent. BUT, don’t do this alone. February is coming.